I'm both a goth and a lolita, and I interact with both communities about the same amount. I'm not any sort of authority nor am I well known in either.
For the most part I agree with you, but I think the core of both lolita and goth is the same, escape from boring normal life and be a part of a community that likes many of the same things you secretly, or not so secretly enjoy.
If you're goth on a club night or for a show on the Left Coast, clothing quality and look doesn't really matter too much, you'll attract different levels of attention depending on what you wear, but there's this overall impression I get 'I'm not here for you, you're not here for me'. When I'm dressed to the nines in expensive latex, I still have to work to get interactions but some people just want none of it, they are 'not here for me'.
LA goths and SF goths though, I'd say are different, LA is much more 'band and brand focused' and SF is much more 'lifestyle and look focused' so I think it really varies based on your local groups.
In lolita, more often than not my comm adores offbrand and indie focused coordinates. Brand is well adored, and everyone has something, but there isn't more attention given to anyone based solely on that alone. I can't speak for any other comm, but they're generally more interested in having lolita as an excuse to interact with others, friends and the newly met. Having and respecting Brand is like a marker for the people that are actually into it, and the only folks left out of that here are a couple of ita tagalongs and the random newbie. Most of the leaders and hosts are low key casual dressers during meets, and it's an interesting opposite 'I'm here for you to know about me, and for me to know about you (but mostly the former)' sort of arrangement.