>>10910498Okay, but my feels change so much from one day to the next. The day after I said it was actually quite good, a lot of good things happened. But one thing happened then too that points towards something that bothers me in my life, that's often a major part of why I'm feeling down a lot of days.
I was waiting for class, and I'm always early but some other people also arrived, but I just couldn't talk to them. It was actually a bit better than it usually is because the people I usually wait next to are even more closed off, but they were still just talking and I couldn't be a part of it, and that happens in every part of my life, always.
This weekend, I was going for a walk with some people, or that was what I wanted, but I was really just walking next to them, not a part of their group, and what really drove it home was when one of them stopped to take a selfie, and they took it with themselves and everyone else, but not with me. That's when I truly realized, and then I just gave up and walked on my own and listened to music instead.
And this happens EVERYWHERE.
I guess, as soon as there's more than one other person, I become the outsider, end up outside of the group by myself, just being next to the other people rather than being with them.
Also, there's one person that I go to classes with, I really wish we could talk, but it's always only like three minutes a week or so, but I want to talk a lot more, I used to feel that they were the perfect person to try conspiring with to try to organize social activities with class, but now I've given up on socializing with the class, but there's a lot else to talk about too. And last Thursday was actually a perfect opportunity to talk to them, because for once they were going the same direction as me, but then the rest of the class arrived before we could actually get into a proper conversation, and I ended up paying attention to what the rest of the class was saying, even though I maybe could have talked to them.
